i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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