i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
