i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
