is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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