This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
