Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
