i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
vagina is talking i cant
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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