Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
