I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
