I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
