And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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