whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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