Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is my gift to your gina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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