maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
