she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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