Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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