went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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