When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
