There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We talked him into tasing himself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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