You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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