nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
