hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
