It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
