I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
