Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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