look no pants
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize