i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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