Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
