remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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