I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
