WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
