Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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