How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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