Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
