I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
