I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
