Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
