Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
