I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
