Just cropdusted the office
even my farts smell like vagina
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
