just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
