i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
