addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
