Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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