the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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