They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize