she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
