Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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