That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
