I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
