how can u be prego again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
