Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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