I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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