see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
