Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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