you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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