My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
