It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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