It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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