Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
