why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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