I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
