I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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