I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
