whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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