If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
