Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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