so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
