Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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