If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
