OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
