Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
