it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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