Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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