My friends, they love my intelligence
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
