Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
