This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
