if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
how drunk are you?
Several
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
