it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
