I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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